My previous post went untagged because I was annoyed at myself for a litany of complaining. I felt out of sorts and I still do but still, one must press on for the good of the fleet. I had always believed that the first day of school set the tone for the entire year. I tried something new this year and I didn't like it because I felt like a phony. What I mean by phony is that I didn't feel like I was being my authentic self. I had been told multiple times last year by someone whose opinion matters to me that I needed to change aspects of myself so that students felt less threatened by me. I have spent months reconsidering everything I say and do in the classroom and as a result, on the first day of school, I did not know who to be. I did what others said I should do, rather than doing what I felt comfortable with, but that isn't and wasn't the problem. The problem was, I did it for the wrong reasons. I cannot stand in front of my students five days a week and tell them to be authentic if I am not walking the walk. So, after consulting with a trusted ally, I decided to hit the reset button, particularly with my 9th grade classes where I was feeling the most vulnerable and at-risk of losing student interest before I'd ever engaged them in the first place.
I took the weekend to really think about what I wanted to stress in regards to my expectations for students, especially in regards to their behavior, and so far the behavior has been better. There haven't been any water bottle flips since I banned that from my class, a first for me, but considering it's never been a problem until this year I guess it's not life-changing. I will say though that a water bottle flip in the back of the room will let you know much your lesson lacks engagement.
On a more positive note, my students have come to class prepared and they're turning in their work and their first test seems to have yielded good results. Onward and upward!
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My previous post waxed poetic about the glories of Professional Development and what it provides to teachers in terms of motivation and excitement to try something new. I stand by everything I said BUT reality is a dish best served cold. The two days leading up to our first day of school were weird. I was there but I didn't feel like I was really accomplishing anything. We had a day of staff development which was a series of meetings that reminded me that my job is not always fun. The meetings had me thinking about complying with requests from administration and the district and slowly my enthusiasm for doing what I think/thought was best dissipated. I did not take anything that was talked about personally, but it did cause me to rethink my teaching and what I had originally set out as my goals for the school year. I spent so much time thinking that I really didn't get enough work done on my physical classroom aesthetic. I still don't have my room entirely ready: bulletin boards aren't covered and I still haven't taken out my box of supplies from my cabinet. In an effort to reduce transition time and increase discussion, I rearranged my seating this year. I wanted to have tables but the desks are working for now. As you can see I have my seats arranged in groups but I still have some singleton desks, which have proven to be helpful and necessary. Wednesday comes and I am ready, but I'm not because we aren't supposed to go over procedures and the course syllabus anymore. We are supposed to build community. I do my planned community building activities and when my prep rolls around 6th period, I realize that my students really do not know what my expectations are for them and the feeling it brings me makes me physically ill. Thursday I decide, mid-lesson, I want to get all the students on my new chrome books the district has supplied us with. Technology gives me hives and makes me feel like a fraud often and I do not recommend using tech on the second day of school, at least not tech that requires log-in information, sigh. Students in my 9th grade classes especially still don't really understand my expectations for them after day two and this is a problem for me and will be a problem later. Here's the bottom-line. I was not my authentic self the first days of school. My persona was that of a person who did not know what they are doing and as a result, I feel like I have already lost control of my 9th grade classes in particular. Each class has 38 and 40 students respectively, there needs to be a clear an establishment of clear expectations from the beginning of the year and since that has not been provided, I am going to have a challenging year ahead of me. Build community, it's important, I know. We also have to be ourselves and I wasn't for the first two weeks of school. is it too late to change this? Was I asking or expecting too much from 9th graders in regards to their maturity? I really don't know but I'm worried I will spend most of my school year correcting behavior instead of helping students improve their reading and writing skills. I'm trying to figure out how to use their chattiness to my advantage but can't really think of anything that will help at this time. They say the best learning comes from pushing yourself outside your comfort zone and for my sake, I hope that is true otherwise this will be a very long and challenging year, indeed. |
AuthorMy name is Sarah Todd and I teach freshmen and junior English in Southern California. Archives
August 2018
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